I was a fundamentalist Christian for most of my life. During most of that time I never questioned what I was taught. You see, I am not a confrontational person by nature. I did not want to be considered rebellious. The pastor and Sunday school teacher were older than I was and they believed. Surely they knew more than I. I surrendered to preach. I wanted to be like these spiritual people. I wanted to share my faith. I had the truth. Everyone needed to hear the gospel message.
I attended church faithfully. I read my Bible often. I listened to preaching tapes everyday. I prayed and had a walk with God. I read Christian books and surrounded myself with people who helped support that belief. I witnessed to the lost. I was fully committed.
Yet, as I got older and met people who believed differently than I, questions arose in my mind. (I intend to write about my deconversion in detail later.) Questions I thought I knew the answers to. Soon people pointed out the flaws in my answers. Maybe things were not as I suspected. I tried to push the questions out of my mind. They never went away.
I did not feel I could express these questions to the religious around me. I already knew the answers they would give. I wanted an outside opinion. So, I did what all people do nowadays with questions…I turned to Google! Before I knew it, I found I was not alone. There were others out there that had the same questions I did.
My journey went from belief to questions to doubt and ultimately to disbelief. This post is for those who find themselves at the questions/doubt stage. You are not alone! I have sat where you sit. I have asked the same questions you ask.
For the last year or so of my deconversion, I still attended church regularly wearing a suit and tie with a smile on my face and a Bible in my hand. I sang along with the congregational songs. I shouted “Amen.” during the sermon. Yet, I didn’t believe any of it. I was an impostor. I was not intentionally being deceitful. I was trying to “fake it until I make it.”
I will not tell you what to believe or how your journey should go. I do want to provide some resources to help you along the way.
"A mind is a terrible thing to waste." 